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Assumptions, and why they can be so negative for ourselves and our relationships

‘Assumption’ – something that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.

We can believe many things, and make them our stories, but it doesn’t make them true.

We can believe things from:

  • our own imagination
  • our own ideas
  • our judgements of others’
  • our judgements of ourselves (we can project our judgements on others and think they think they think that of us)
  • because someone said so…

There are many more, but you get the gist.

The problem is, that if they are just assumptions, based on no proof at all, then we are on dangerous ground, for:

  • Accusing others’ of things they haven’t done
  • Spreading rumours that aren’t true
  • Hurting ourselves with presumed judgements of what people think about us
  • Making decisions based on untruths

This could result in:

  • Libel
  • Broken relationships, in family, friendships or love.
  • Low self-esteem, anxiety, depression…
  • Bullying
  • Impulsiveness
  • Bad decisions

All these outcomes can be very negative, and many can be prevented, if we look for truths rather than just jumping to conclusions, projecting our own ethics on others, or believing something without proof. For example, we can ask a person for facts or clarification.

Negative outcomes brought about by assumptions, are very common issues that crop up with clients in counselling sessions. Sometimes, it’s really hard to see that you are making an assumption until someone points it out or asks you directly, “What proof do you have, that it’s true?”

What it can sound like:

“Well he doesn’t love me, because he never says it”

“Have you asked him how he feels?”


The man is attentive, and shows he loves her, but the person needs him to tell her.

I ask, “Do you tell him you love him?”





“I’m going to lose my job, and I’m very anxious about it.”

“Why are you going to lose your job?”

“Because there have been rumours of redundancies”

“Has anyone said anything?”


“Have you asked your management?”

“No, but I’m getting in a state about it.”


Today, think about whether you make assumptions and how you could stop; how you could get facts over fiction. We can believe our own stories so much, that we make them our truths, and it’s not healthy. We can even have pretend conversations in our head with the person and make them our reality too. It’s easy to do, often with difficult results.

We can accept other people’s stories’ as being true as well, because of their assumptions…

Ask questions, seek the truth, and often you will receive the right answers 🙂

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