BACP Registered member

Facebook linktwitter linkLinkedin link

logo


Design and hosting by
FrenchDuck Digital

fdlogo2016


Take my challenge… Do you compare yourself to others’ or expect too much from yourself? Be different, be unique and stop thinking ‘I should…’

Be unique

Be unique

I have written about expectations other people put on us, and expectations we may have of others’, but I want to question the expectations we put on ourselves. Possibly the worst type of expectation of them all. And are we just trying to fit in with the crowd or do we nurture our true selves?

Are you up for my challenge?

If we allowed ourselves to get carried away with social media, we might soon find that we are trying to be like the masses. Or rather what we perceive it is to be like everyone else. But, even if it were true that everyone is happy, or successful, or fully in charge of their lives and futures, why would we want to be like them? Why can’t we just be true to ourselves and happy with that?

Do we need to use filters in order to post a picture of ourselves?

Who are we trying to impress?

Who are we trying to be like? Is that person truly content anyway?

Being different is OK.

I’m the odd one out… I don’t have many friends like everyone else… I’m not like everyone else… I’m misunderstood…

Just a few of the things people say of themselves based on comparisons to others’.

Do we have to be the same and do we want to change ourselves completely in order to ‘fit in’? 

At what cost?

Just because five people agree in their thinking and you have a different opinion, does it mean that you are wrong? Or they are wrong? Or is it just OK that you think differently to them? 

Be unique.

Inventors may have help from others’ ideas or previous research, but the whole thing about being an inventor of anything, is that they do it their way, they imagine and design something that no-one else has. They are unique.

If a potential inventor wanted to be like someone else, or the masses they would never allow their creativity to thrive and be able to think up new ideas in the first place, let alone become an inventor.

Do you want to be unique or like someone else?

That is the question.

Stop thinking ‘I should’…

If you use the word ‘should’ towards yourself, it may be time to stop and work out why. 

I ‘should’ have a better job.

I ‘should’ have more money.

I ‘should’ be able to cope in this situation.

Is anyone saying this to you or is it just you being harsh on yourself?

‘Should’s’ are very unhelpful; they have a negative connotation and they stop us from achieving our full potential.

If we ‘should’ be capable, it means we are telling ourselves we are not capable. So, how can we then become capable with that huge block in the way?

If we ‘should’ have a better job, then we are telling ourselves we are not capable of getting one.

If we ‘should’ have more money, then how are we to be content with what we do have?

ALL of these, and many other ‘should’s’ must come from comparisons to other people.

If we ‘should be capable, it means we believe that others’ are and we are inferior. But, maybe we are capable and this is just something we have never done before. Everyone does everything a first time and has to practice to get better at it. No-one does everything right the first time!

If we ‘should’ have a better job, who are we comparing to and why? A colleague? A sibling? And do we actually want a ‘better’ job? What is a ‘better’ job to you anyway? Status? Money? Would it really make you content if you got it? Or would there just be another ‘should’ you throw at yourself round the corner?

If we ‘should’ have more money, why? Says who?

Are all these ‘should’s’ getting in the way of us enjoying what we do have and who we are?

Why do we really want to be like someone else? We may as well all become clones if we want to be so alike. 

And in any case, the people with the perceived ‘better job’, ‘more money’ or who we think are more capable than we are, are they really that much more content than us? And if they are is it just the job, the money or their capabilities in certain areas that make them so content?

Contentment comes from within ourselves. No-one can hand it to us. We cannot replicate it. It is not a gift we can receive from someone else, it is a gift we can give to ourselves. 

If you ever find yourself using the word’ should’ on yourself, stop and contemplate why. If the thing is achievable, then go for it, if not important let it go. What is the ‘should’ about? Is it your inner negative chatterbox just self-berating, or is it because you are comparing yourself to someone else? Why? Is it helpful? Is it important? 

There need not be any should’s in your life. There just needs to be ‘do’s and don’ts, and it’s in our power to decide whether to do something or not.

Take care,

Sandra 🙂

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.