Anger is a destructive emotion/feeling to have. It is something we all get in differing quantities. Anger needs managing; for some more than others. So, let’s have a look at some ways in which we can manage it.

Blame.

Often, with anger comes blame. Or rather blame starts off the anger. 

“It was his fault.” 

“If they didn’t pull out on me I wouldn’t be angry.” 

“That person ignored me so I am angry.”

“You’ve made me angry by doing that/not doing that”

Sound familiar?

We cannot afford to go around blaming everyone else for our anger. For one thing, we will be stuck in our anger. For another, it is not right.

Yes, sometimes we do get annoyed at what people do or do not do, but we have to take responsibility for how we feel. 

We may feel angry because we are vulnerable or sad and we cannot take that on board. No one wants to feel vulnerable or sad but if we can accept those emotions we can live with them and do something with them, instead of projecting them out as anger.

If someone pulls out on us or does something that annoys us, we have a choice. We can get angry or we can take back control of ourselves. We can decide that what they have done is not worth us spoiling our day over. Because it isn’t. Don’t give others that much control over you, take it back. Practice mindfulness. Concentrate on one of your five senses; sight, sound, taste, smell or touch. 

If you are stuck in a traffic jam, don’t get annoyed and hit the steering wheel, wind down the window and listen to what’s outside, put on some music, think about something nice - anything but get wound up. Anything that is nice instead of anger. Once you take back control of your anger in small ways, you will feel better and want to do it more. Let’s face it, if you can be less angry, it will benefit YOU, and others. 

I am not saying accept the unacceptable, but to accept what goes on around us or in the wider world is better than trying to fight what we cannot win. Injustice happens around us all the time. Some things we can do something about and if we can, then do it. But, if there is nothing we can do then we do need to accept that fact and not keep fighting a losing battle. 

Take time out if you are angry. Instead of doing or saying something impulsively, walk out of the room or the area, take a few moments, and decide what is best rather than just letting anger speak or act for you. Regret is a horrible thing. Better to take control in the moment than to feel regret at a later date.

If someone does something that you don’t like, instead of an angry outburst, think about what it is that you want to achieve. Do you want them to stop doing the thing, saying the thing, what is it about it that annoys you? Does it make you feel sad? What is the reality of the thing? Once you know, you can assertively (not aggressively) say what it is. Let others’ understand you. 

Assertiveness is not aggression. Assertiveness is saying what you need to say (your needs, your wants, what you feel or think) in as less words as possible and sticking to them. It is having your say without the need to go on and on. If we go on and on, over explaining or complaining the message gets lost and diluted. 

Take back control of yourself. For YOU, and for others’ benefit.